rationalizing?

You cannot rationalize everything. Some things do not have logical explanations.

Admittedly, I do not always remember this. I sometimes yearn for what is rational or logical because such things allow me to think I am in control. But, then the world laughs and reminds me subtly (or not so subtly) that I am mistaken.

My decision to go on this course is a decision I can'’t fully rationalize. Who decides to spend 94 days in the wilderness with as little experience as I have? When I was making my college decision, a friend of my mother's gave me a quote that said (paraphrasing), problems solved with the head cause ten more problems while problems solved with the heart stay solved. Like my decision to attend my undergrad, my final decision to attend NOLS was one made with my heart. I cannot fully explain it to people, and I have learned to be at peace with that. After all, it is my decision.

I think it is difficult to find time to listen to our hearts. Our heads can be so loud as can the world around us. I am very grateful to the friends who have encouraged me to listen and be honest about what I was hearing. I'm also grateful to those who called me out (in not so subtle ways) when I didn't want to listen.

This summer has provided me with many quiet periods and I've listened 'hard'. I'm optimistic that I'll take some of these reminders/revelations with me into the wilderness and make good sense of them there as well.